待飞－－Dandelion 蒲公英

Dandelion, to me is a miracle plant. The flower matures into a dandelion clock and waiting for the right time to be carried away by the wind, and flown to the destination of wherever it wish. Looking at our life philosophies, I always believe we have to equip ourselves with knowledge, skills, to mature ourselves, and wait for the right time to 'fly'. I always asked myself, am I ready to be flown? Am I equipped with every skill that is needed. And this is what had bring me to have the interest to learn everything under the sun. I wish to know more about IT, that's why I have my unfinished master. I wish to know more about photography, and I'm yearning for a DSLR. I wish to discover the miracle of the underwater world, that's why I took up swimming as a first step. I wish to know in depth of the film industry, tv industry....but this had lead to another problem. Every area I had touch is just bits and pieces, and I never had a specialized area to specialize on. That's also the reason why I chose to stay longer in commercial industry, rather than venturing into another scope of area which may generate more stable income. I do not know whether I'm right to make this decision. I just hope that 'my wind' will come, maybe I should just give it some time to reach .....
What do I want for my life? Frankly, I'm having a vague idea, what's it.....How I wish I have someone to tell me.....

Yooo hoooooo....

Finally, after 28 years of 'playing' in the water, I finally can swim across the pool without any aids......And this happen only on my 2nd swimming lesson...Although at times, my hands and legs are not listening to my mind, I still manage to hold my breath and change my breath to reach till the pool side to grab hold of something. Besides, through today lesson, I learnt something, it's not anything new but had made me have a clearer view of a 'life' lesson.
While swimming across the pool in the water just now, at times, when my hands and legs are not listening and I am out of breath, I tends to sink. But with my goggles on, I can see clearly what's beneath me (an endless deep ground) which creates more fear. In that nick of time, i have to force myself to calm down and hold my breath just to float, to survive and start over again on the coordination to gain the force again to keep me going forward. This enforce my thinking on the philosophy of life, struggling in fear/ panic is no good to take you forward.
Calm down, Think then Act, then only you can keep yourself forward to the end......Only you can save yourself.....only I can save myself.......now i need to learn how to breath smoothly, so that I don't feel exhausted so easily.....good luck to me....

一苦二甜三回味

三道茶寓寄着“一苦二甜三回味”的人生哲理... excerpt from the articles of a fren's fren blog. Found it very true, maybe I should just wait as to my 'dilemma' before.....

Referal Program

Was trying out the above programme up there where it claims to be able to make money online. Doesn't know how true is it and doing a tryout. Anyone interested to join in, please click on the banner and sign up, it just take less than 5 minutes. I'll tell you if I did really get cash for that, or maybe you can try yourself too after signing up. Thanks....=)

"Choices" ( as quoted from Irene's)

Read a fren's blog on 'Choices' and make myself indulge in a no-result self reflection today. Life is really like a continuos crossroad where one had to choose where should one goes OR stand stagnant there. I kept asking myself, should I stand stagnant in the middle of the crossroad and gain more experience in order for me to make a better decision on which route to follow, OR should i pick a road and follow the route without looking back without regrets and just follow what the route leads to? A friend of mine asked why don't i just take up a permanent job in other industry rather than waiting for freelance productions to knock the door everytime. My answer to that is, unless I wanted to start picking up things all over from scratch again. After all these years of changes, I doubt to convince myself to choose that route. However, at times, I did asked myself again, should I just take up a stable career path with stable income, not having to worry about what's next, OR should I wait, immerse myself more in the industry to gain more experience, but the pain is to wait for jobs to knock after every job finished and wondering what's next, or rather will there be anymore next time? Hadn't been able to have my mind clear for the past 2 years, I feel the same as Irene, standing in the middle of the crossroad, stagnant, but having the feeling of everyone/ everything dashing pass you, urging you to make the right choice quick, or you'll be left out in the dessert in no where. Now, I can feel my mind as if it's making up of thousand of strings, crumpled in mess, you can't just cut the strings just like that to make them straight, and even to untie the knots, it will make them worse, just like the chinese sayings 剪不断，理还乱. Seems like I'd bad at carving my own career path, i'm lost....

Appreciation....??

Is it true that guys will only appreciate the other half when things already comes to the worst and there's not turning back? Recently knew that my ex pick up a hobby that I'd been loving only after we have get apart for a year. I still remember that during the days when we were together, he doesn't even mind to spare some of his time to have the hobby together but instead will rather stay at home. And now, he even took up classes just to excel in that hobby. Frankly, I do really feel a bit sad when i know about it, and once again, proved to me that, I had make that right decision....

News update from my son in Mongolia

a thank you note from my son's mom. My sponsor child can't read and write yet, so the mother wrote for him. Think I should get him a book so that the center there can teach him.

Another Shoot...

A one day shoot, with Indonesia clients. Things are unconfirmed until last minute with shitty agencies who cannot handle their clients. And left us with all the drama, even after the shoot. Argue over the design and color of a sofa whereby during the shoot, the framing can't even see the sofa at all...having attitude-problem wardrobe stylist in the job and even make me, the producer and the AD to search for the wardrobe on behalf of him coz he doesn't want to do his work.....gosh....what a day....
now keeping finger cross on not to reshoot the pack , i doesn't want to see them the 2nd time.....
**doesn't shot any photos this time....

I'm Photogenic???

A shock. Someone did actually says i'm photogenic? Gosh....I always hate seeing myself on a photo coz I can't smile good, and I feel I'm not photogenic at all as compare to lots of beautiful ppl around me.....this really make me wonders....everyone's eye on 'beauty' is really difference or my expectation is "farly" high? am i? or it's just a consolation....haaa

守财奴 (miser)

For the past one year, I feel myself like a miser, a poor miser....haven't been able to get full payment from the freelance jobs that I had done and the result is every month I can only spend on the first 50% that I had gotten just on paying my bills. No any extra to spend for others things......That's one of the reason why I had been always at home, hooking up on net. Coz I can't afford to step out of the house with the little money I have to spend. Hearing someone said, we must treat ourself better. I think I should, after 1 year of struggling. I decided to start chasing for my dream. I've decided to get the ball rolling by signing up on a swimming lesson. Hopefully that leads to my diving lesson in future, Once and only ONCE i've got enough money to pay for the lesson which cost almost RM 1400+. As for my SLR camera, there's still a long way to chase....boo hoo......every dreams cost.....gosh.....

net feelings...

ever had a crushed with someone by only exchanging feelings through the net? Have been wondering how can a couple start a relationship through a net? I have a fren who really does that and now is already with her partner overseas. They started off by only communicating through the net chat. I was always wondering when this happen to me, will I trust these feelings? How true are the feelings to someone when you only communicate through words type in front of u? Are you in love with the someone over there? or are u only in love with the words on your screen?